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It's 7 PM on a Saturday and I have absolutely NOTHING to do. I've been staring blankly at my computer screen for more than a few minutes, and before that, I've visited every website on my bookmarks list, not to mention played a couple of computer games, albeit halfheartedly, experimented with my eyeshadows palette, and gone through all the books on my bookshelf in the hope of finding something to reread. Needless to say, I wasn't able to find anything, so here I am again, back in front of my laptop. There's no better time than now to write a long overdue new entry for a blog that I haven't bothered with for almost half a year.
I guess there's just nothing overly interesting about anything that's happened for the past few months, not that there usually is, which is why I thought I wouldn't waste my time composing any entries. If I had updated my blog regularly since I last wrote something, it would probably mostly be about how much school sucked and how much I hated this and that subject, how much I loathed professors this and that, how much I wanted to be back in high school. The other half would've been useless information such as which books I'd read, which movies I'd watched, which parties I'd attended, and how many clothes I'd bought.
Scanning everything I've published so far, I realize how shallow and typical this blog is. Not that I'm saying anything against writing about shopping and movies and things like that - it's perfectly fine. I guess I just maybe expected a lot more from myself, as we all do, and usually find fault in everything I do, even in such a trivial thing as an online journal.
More than that, it's also that I know I am a complex person, and that I feel so many things and want to express myself in so many ways, because there's so much going on inside me. It's truly disappointing to see that I haven't really been able to write about my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my insights. Instead, I go on and on about external things, things of no real value, such as failing an exam or crying over unwanted visitors. These things don't really show who I am. On the contrary, they cover up. I know I tend to write more about impersonal things in part because I want to protect myself. Maybe some things hurt too much to write about, and I don't like presenting myself in a vulnerable light. Maybe some things just reveal too much of who I am, and I'm not ready to share all of that to the world yet, because I'm also still in the process of discovering myself.
My objective in writing all of this is simple. I want people to know that I am more than just a girl who loves fashion and everything that makes life more entertaining. I want people to know that I don't only think of myself and my petty 'problems.' I want people to know that I do have real problems too, and that I'm not really as superficial as my past entries make me seem.
Of course, I'm not a totally serious person either. I do have fun. Who doesn't?
I guess there's just nothing overly interesting about anything that's happened for the past few months, not that there usually is, which is why I thought I wouldn't waste my time composing any entries. If I had updated my blog regularly since I last wrote something, it would probably mostly be about how much school sucked and how much I hated this and that subject, how much I loathed professors this and that, how much I wanted to be back in high school. The other half would've been useless information such as which books I'd read, which movies I'd watched, which parties I'd attended, and how many clothes I'd bought.
Scanning everything I've published so far, I realize how shallow and typical this blog is. Not that I'm saying anything against writing about shopping and movies and things like that - it's perfectly fine. I guess I just maybe expected a lot more from myself, as we all do, and usually find fault in everything I do, even in such a trivial thing as an online journal.
More than that, it's also that I know I am a complex person, and that I feel so many things and want to express myself in so many ways, because there's so much going on inside me. It's truly disappointing to see that I haven't really been able to write about my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my insights. Instead, I go on and on about external things, things of no real value, such as failing an exam or crying over unwanted visitors. These things don't really show who I am. On the contrary, they cover up. I know I tend to write more about impersonal things in part because I want to protect myself. Maybe some things hurt too much to write about, and I don't like presenting myself in a vulnerable light. Maybe some things just reveal too much of who I am, and I'm not ready to share all of that to the world yet, because I'm also still in the process of discovering myself.
My objective in writing all of this is simple. I want people to know that I am more than just a girl who loves fashion and everything that makes life more entertaining. I want people to know that I don't only think of myself and my petty 'problems.' I want people to know that I do have real problems too, and that I'm not really as superficial as my past entries make me seem.
Of course, I'm not a totally serious person either. I do have fun. Who doesn't?
posted by Beautiful Disaster @ 8:03 PM
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