School blues

I really am hating this semester.

First of all, our block gets split in half, so I almost never see the other half of the block because we have almost no classes together except for the management ones, and I miss them a lot, especially those people I used to hang out with all the time last year.

Besides this, there aren't any fun classes this year, like Literature or even Zoology. Now all we get is Statistics and Accounting and Philippine Business Environment, for God's sake. There's Western History, which is fairly interesting, but I'm not doing too well in that class at the moment. As for the rest of my classes, let's just say I have never and will never be overly eager to attend any of them.

I actually am just learning to appreciate freshman year now, because of all the hardships I'm faced with this year. It was much simpler last year. There's not even a day these days when I get home and just relax, knowing I have no homework to complete or quiz to study for.

Apart from the schoolwork, there's also ballroom dancing and NSTP. Now I'm heartily wishing I'd taken up aerobics or something else for PE instead. I mean, I do actually like ballroom dancing, it's just that it takes time to practice. And I have little time to spare. Even worse than that, of course, is NSTP. Waking up before 7 every Saturday morning to teach the urban poor until noon is not my idea of a great morning. It's a well-known fact that I hate waking early. I am really not a morning person. And because of this Literacy Training Service, I have even less time in my hands.

The worst thing of all was when our class saw our Accounting test scores yesterday. In our joint class of 60 people, only 10 or 11 actually passed. The rest of us got below a 65, which means we lost a whole 15% of our final grade, because any grade below 65 is an F, which has no point value. So I could've actually not taken the test at all and gotten a zero, and I would still have gotten the same grade - an F. All of my efforts amounted to nothing. It was devastating. I realize now why only a handful of people graduate from Management Honors each year. I just never knew it was this hard.

So now I'm faced with the toughest decision I've ever had to make so far - should I stay in the honors class, or shift out? I want to get a fairly good grade and graduate with honors, so I want to shift to the regular Management class. But it's not easy. I can't imagine just letting it all go. The thing is, in our course, the lowest grade we can get is a C+, and we can only get ONE C+. Anything below that means we get kicked out of MH. I've heard stories about a few people who got F's in their first LT in the honors class, but managed to get a C+ in the end. There's just a really big risk involved, because after that F, a C+ under honors is really hard to get. If I decide to stay and don't make the grade requirement, I not only have to leave MH anyway, but my QPI will lower dramatically.

What am I to do? I know I can't let this break me. I'm stronger than that. But somehow I feel like breaking down. I don't want to deal with this right now. Or anytime, for that matter. I want to go back to freshman year when there were no hard choices to make. Or I want time to speed up so that this will all be but a memory.

I know that even if I shift out, in the long run, an H beside (or missing from beside) my course won't matter. Success is only a matter of determination, hard work, and a fair amount of talent. Still, I'm not in the future - I'm only still a college student, and that H means a lot to me. Even if my mind says that I can make it without the H, I refuse to really see that.

Depressing, really. I will reach a decision soon, though. And I swear, I'm going to make the best of the situation. No matter what happens, I will work toward fulfilling my dreams.

Anyway, to conclude this entry, I have only one thing to say. Everything had better get better soon. Or I'll be tearing my hair out before long.