Beyond the letter grade

What's in an F? What IS an F?

I got an F in Filipino 11. How utterly depressing. And when you really think about it, it's funny, too. A Chinese can fail a Mandarin subject, an American can fail in English, but where in the world did you ever hear of people who are less adept in their own national course than in another language course? That's right. It only happens here. I'm excelling in Communication in English I AND Introduction to Fiction (in English), but I can't even manage to get a passing grade in my very first Filipino quiz? How sad. I may even prove to be more skilled in French than in Filipino! *sarcastic laugh* And that's not a joke, either. I mean, what the hell, I don't even know what an apple is in Filipino. Is that pathetic or what?

Yeah, it was an unannounced quiz, so obviously I didn't study for it, and obviously I could've aced it if I'd memorized my notes beforehand, but it goes beyond that. It's the mere fact that I don't even WANT to learn Filipino. It's the mere statement that "I could've aced it if I'd memorized it beforehand." Memorized. For the sake of getting a high score. Memorized and forgotten the next day.

How unpatriotic can I get before my country decides to disown me? I don't like the language, I don't like the local shows, I dislike Filipino bands and the music they create. Is there even love left for my country and everything it represents? Or, everything that represents it?

And, of course, my country will never disown me.

I think of all this, and I am acutely saddened by my disloyalty. I am more pained, however, that I realize my mistake and ponder on it, but I do nothing.

Will I ever change?

Will I ever desire to learn my language, embrace my culture, and show my country the love that it has given me so much of?

What's in an F? What IS an F?

F is for failure. But it goes beyond the letter grade. It's my failure as a citizen to accomplish my duties and do what I should do for my country. It's my failure to become worthy of being called a Filipino.

______________________________

Dear friends,

Do pardon me for being so overly dramatic. I can't help myself. And, anyway, am I not right in what I said?

I always knew my blog title should've been Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Hahaha.