confessions of a teenage fashionista

...

2006-11-18T20:03:00.000+08:00

It's 7 PM on a Saturday and I have absolutely NOTHING to do. I've been staring blankly at my computer screen for more than a few minutes, and before that, I've visited every website on my bookmarks list, not to mention played a couple of computer games, albeit halfheartedly, experimented with my eyeshadows palette, and gone through all the books on my bookshelf in the hope of finding something to reread. Needless to say, I wasn't able to find anything, so here I am again, back in front of my laptop. There's no better time than now to write a long overdue new entry for a blog that I haven't bothered with for almost half a year.

I guess there's just nothing overly interesting about anything that's happened for the past few months, not that there usually is, which is why I thought I wouldn't waste my time composing any entries. If I had updated my blog regularly since I last wrote something, it would probably mostly be about how much school sucked and how much I hated this and that subject, how much I loathed professors this and that, how much I wanted to be back in high school. The other half would've been useless information such as which books I'd read, which movies I'd watched, which parties I'd attended, and how many clothes I'd bought.

Scanning everything I've published so far, I realize how shallow and typical this blog is. Not that I'm saying anything against writing about shopping and movies and things like that - it's perfectly fine. I guess I just maybe expected a lot more from myself, as we all do, and usually find fault in everything I do, even in such a trivial thing as an online journal.

More than that, it's also that I know I am a complex person, and that I feel so many things and want to express myself in so many ways, because there's so much going on inside me. It's truly disappointing to see that I haven't really been able to write about my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my insights. Instead, I go on and on about external things, things of no real value, such as failing an exam or crying over unwanted visitors. These things don't really show who I am. On the contrary, they cover up. I know I tend to write more about impersonal things in part because I want to protect myself. Maybe some things hurt too much to write about, and I don't like presenting myself in a vulnerable light. Maybe some things just reveal too much of who I am, and I'm not ready to share all of that to the world yet, because I'm also still in the process of discovering myself.

My objective in writing all of this is simple. I want people to know that I am more than just a girl who loves fashion and everything that makes life more entertaining. I want people to know that I don't only think of myself and my petty 'problems.' I want people to know that I do have real problems too, and that I'm not really as superficial as my past entries make me seem.

Of course, I'm not a totally serious person either. I do have fun. Who doesn't?

School blues

2006-07-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

I really am hating this semester.

First of all, our block gets split in half, so I almost never see the other half of the block because we have almost no classes together except for the management ones, and I miss them a lot, especially those people I used to hang out with all the time last year.

Besides this, there aren't any fun classes this year, like Literature or even Zoology. Now all we get is Statistics and Accounting and Philippine Business Environment, for God's sake. There's Western History, which is fairly interesting, but I'm not doing too well in that class at the moment. As for the rest of my classes, let's just say I have never and will never be overly eager to attend any of them.

I actually am just learning to appreciate freshman year now, because of all the hardships I'm faced with this year. It was much simpler last year. There's not even a day these days when I get home and just relax, knowing I have no homework to complete or quiz to study for.

Apart from the schoolwork, there's also ballroom dancing and NSTP. Now I'm heartily wishing I'd taken up aerobics or something else for PE instead. I mean, I do actually like ballroom dancing, it's just that it takes time to practice. And I have little time to spare. Even worse than that, of course, is NSTP. Waking up before 7 every Saturday morning to teach the urban poor until noon is not my idea of a great morning. It's a well-known fact that I hate waking early. I am really not a morning person. And because of this Literacy Training Service, I have even less time in my hands.

The worst thing of all was when our class saw our Accounting test scores yesterday. In our joint class of 60 people, only 10 or 11 actually passed. The rest of us got below a 65, which means we lost a whole 15% of our final grade, because any grade below 65 is an F, which has no point value. So I could've actually not taken the test at all and gotten a zero, and I would still have gotten the same grade - an F. All of my efforts amounted to nothing. It was devastating. I realize now why only a handful of people graduate from Management Honors each year. I just never knew it was this hard.

So now I'm faced with the toughest decision I've ever had to make so far - should I stay in the honors class, or shift out? I want to get a fairly good grade and graduate with honors, so I want to shift to the regular Management class. But it's not easy. I can't imagine just letting it all go. The thing is, in our course, the lowest grade we can get is a C+, and we can only get ONE C+. Anything below that means we get kicked out of MH. I've heard stories about a few people who got F's in their first LT in the honors class, but managed to get a C+ in the end. There's just a really big risk involved, because after that F, a C+ under honors is really hard to get. If I decide to stay and don't make the grade requirement, I not only have to leave MH anyway, but my QPI will lower dramatically.

What am I to do? I know I can't let this break me. I'm stronger than that. But somehow I feel like breaking down. I don't want to deal with this right now. Or anytime, for that matter. I want to go back to freshman year when there were no hard choices to make. Or I want time to speed up so that this will all be but a memory.

I know that even if I shift out, in the long run, an H beside (or missing from beside) my course won't matter. Success is only a matter of determination, hard work, and a fair amount of talent. Still, I'm not in the future - I'm only still a college student, and that H means a lot to me. Even if my mind says that I can make it without the H, I refuse to really see that.

Depressing, really. I will reach a decision soon, though. And I swear, I'm going to make the best of the situation. No matter what happens, I will work toward fulfilling my dreams.

Anyway, to conclude this entry, I have only one thing to say. Everything had better get better soon. Or I'll be tearing my hair out before long.

How to ruin my life in one minute

2006-06-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I was perfectly happy curled up in bed, reading a good book and crunching on a bag of Kornets, unwinding after a stressful day. How was I to know that in a few minutes I would be cursing and crying my eyes out, all thought of relaxation forgotten?

I would actually still be cursing now, in type, if it weren't for the fact that my mom really dislikes it, and she has a high probability of coming across this.

You're all probably wondering what kind of tragic problem I have now. It's not that I failed a major exam, or lost a treasured possession, or got grounded forever. It's actually much worse.

My dad, without even telling me first, invited a girl from CHINA to stay in my room with me FOR A WHOLE MONTH. There are many things very wrong with this arrangement. First, I have never seen nor corresponded with this girl, ever. Second, she's a genuine Chinese from China, which means she can probably speak about five words of English and, needless to say, will not be enjoyable to chat with. Third, it is a known fact around the house that I absolutely LOVE time on my own. Fourth, it is also a known fact that I can only ever concentrate on studying in my room, alone. And with accounting and statistics this year as part of my course workload, I need that study time more than ever. Fifth, this is a MAJOR INVASION OF PRIVACY. Sixth, she, this foreigner I don't even know, will be sleeping on my bed with me. How many times has anyone had a complete stranger sleep in their beds with them?! Seventh, she will have full access to ALL OF MY STUFF, from my jewelry, to my books, my clothes, my shoes, my CDs and DVDs, everything. She will also be using my toilet bowl, for God's sake. Eighth, I am not particularly interested in entertaining guests after hectic days in school. I barely have any time for myself now, being kept extremely busy by our dear professors, and now this limited time is about to be reduced to no time at all.

I could actually go on up to a hundred, but then I'll never get this done. I just want to wake up and realize this was all a dream, but dreams aren't even this bad.

Dad, if you're reading this, which I doubt, I still love you and I'm definitely forgiving you for ruining my life (sorry, just had to say that), but please don't think that I'll go out of my way to be friends with this girl. And I just hope that next time, when you make decisions that affect me, you tell me about it first, because it's really highly unfair to me otherwise.

Actually, it's highly unfair of me to hate China girl just for accepting an invitation, but I can't help it. It's only natural for any human being to detest an unwanted intruder, after all. I can't just smile and try to be best friends with this person, right? I'm sure Mother Teresa would, but I'm not her. I'm not evil, either. Just human. Imperfect. And fully justified to be angry at this unfortunate development.

Anyway, I'm going to bed. Maybe sleep can make me forget about my woes, if only for a short while.

Training more than the voice

2006-06-11T01:03:00.000+08:00

When I first enrolled at the Center for Pop Music, I thought all I would be getting was a few hours of concentrated training, singing tips and tricks, and performance lessons. After completing level one, I realized I got a lot more than that.

To have been amidst people who shared my passion and dreams was a truly inspiring experience. I loved how we felt instantly comfortable with each other, how we talked about singing all day long and never ran out of things to say about it. We got so close in such a short time, trading secrets and doing each other's hair as though we'd known one another for years.

They were also the first people ever to see me dance to a sexy song. Before Center for Pop, I never had the guts to do so. Definitely not in front of an audience.

Most of all, they were the ones who believed in me. They cheered me on at every performance and gave me the confidence to go on and do my best. They never judged anyone harshly, and they never belittled anyone for their mistakes.

The days when we were together were some of my happiest. To the girls who did Objection Tango with me (that still includes Paula), we rocked! I'll never forget our bonding sessions or our uber-project moments. Of course, let's not neglect to mention Achelle, who is really sweet, albeit a little insecure.

I also want to acknowledge the tireless coaches, especially Coach Mel, Dynes, and Mayo, whose efforts I greatly appreciate. Coach Mel was my first coach; she helped me overcome my initial shyness at performing. Coach Mayo taught me to use facial, body, and vocal expression in singing, plus blocking techniques, armwork, etc. Coach Dynes taught me to dance and project.

After all of those hours of training, I've certainly become an infinitely better singer and performer, but I've also learned a thing or two about confidence, determination, teamwork, and friendship.

Summertime

2006-04-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

Ciao, everyone.

I was just mindlessly surfing the net when I suddenly remembered I actually had a blog, so here I am, updating after almost three months.

I don't remember everything that transpired between February 10 and now, of course, so I'll only mention a few things.

It's been one of my busiest summers so far. I'm taking accounting lessons during weekday mornings for two weeks, doing voice and stage performance training at Center for Pop three days a week, and continuing wushu training Friday and Saturday nights. All of them are for two hours per session.

Singing class is awesome. I never knew there were so much rules to singing and performing. It's also oddly liberating to not care when you sing a wrong note in front of an audience. They teach you never to be embarrassed, to always project an image of confidence, even when you're quaking inside. Never be afraid of making a mistake, because after all, no one is immune to committing them. I mean, did you hear Rod Steward sing on Idol last week? He faltered on a high note.

Speaking of American Idol, there are only five contestants left. I'm thinking either Katharine or Taylor or Chris will win. I love Elliott too, but I don't think he has enough fans. I used to like Paris, but she's getting boring.

Moving on, I've watched a couple of movies (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe; Ice Age 2; Tristan and Isolde; 2 Fast 2 Furious; Aeon Flux; Memoirs of a Geisha; Brokeback Mountain; etc.) since my last update, but, in my opinion, none of them, save Narnia, were really outstanding.

I've read some books, too. The It Girl and Some Like It Hot were typically juicy and glamorous, the seven Chronicles of Narnia books were vivid and imaginative, Tamora Pierce's Trickster's Choice was quite interesting, and The Taming of the Shrew was comical and witty. Currently, I'm a third of the way through Much Ado About Nothing.

Been to a few parties, which I obviously am not going to ennumerate, lol, and spent a day in Subic with my family, being kissed by a seal (or was it a sea lion?) who's just had dead fish and squids for a treat and followed around by a sweet little goat in the course of that delightful day.

And now, because it's already past 2 A.M., I must go.

Arrivederci e buona notte.

Thanks

2006-02-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today was, undoubtedly, one of my best birthdays ever.

Thank you so much to everyone who made this day so special.

To Rachel, Ariel, Glenn, Dan, Marlon, Jeremy, Justin, Jon, Noel B, Wayne, Emmeline, Byron, Jensen, Erica R, Lauren, Ja, Megan, Joan, Jarwin, Howard, Niks, Paul, Reg, Matthew, Terence, Ange, Andrew, Coy, Gi, Alvene, Raphael, Jed, Wes, Riz, Vib, Jourd, Bjorn, Drew, Ralph, Marc T, Jaq, Harley, Jeff, Mike, Kathleen - your remembering means a lot to me.

To everyone in Invictus who wrote messages for that birthday CD, I have never received anything so meaningful. I was crying the whole time. Thanks, especially to Ja, who made it. I miss you all so much.

To my beloved block Q, today wouldn't have been the same without you. Thank you for what you did - you guys are so sweet. Love you all. Quoting Hannah, "You make my heart melt."

To my English block, thank you for singing such a nice happy birthday.

To Sir Samar, Sir Exie, and Ma'am Yap, thank you for your greetings.

To my family, everyday is beautiful because of you. And today is perfect because you were there to celebrate with me. Words aren't enough to express the depth of my love for you.

And to everyone else who've made me smile today, thank you.

'The Destroyer' destroys

2006-01-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to Manny Pacquiao for winning the WBC International Featherweight Title in his spectacular match against Erik Morales last January 21, 2006 at the Thomas and Mack Center, Las Vegas, USA.

I, for one, am absurdly proud of him.

His current world rank is 1/860. (boxrec.com)

Fly high, Filipino.

Tragedy

2006-01-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

Oh no, it's not at all what many people would actually consider a 'tragedy.' It's only that I haven't seen a single A since the second semester started, and really, I'm feeling quite frustrated. The only subject I seem to be doing well in (I certainly hope I can still say this after I get my long test back) is Literature 14, which has been (and is, obviously) my favorite subject this semester. I don't have a clue what my standing is in English, I'm only doing fairly ok in Math, Zoology lecture and lab, and I hope never to see my grade in Filipino 12, because, as I am deathly sure, I am currently (almost) failing that subject. Yes, I do have half a semester left to salvage what's left of my poor grades, but it's just discouraging to know I could've done better and that my chances of a 4.0 GPA has just flown out the window. I have set my sights a little lower, but even so I'm not so sure I can achieve my goal.

Maybe I've been distracted lately by those dark eyes, and that smile...

That's the other tragedy. Falling in love. I might write a poem about that paradox. Or not. Such depressed poetry is only making me depressed in reality. But then, sad poems are just so much more beautiful to hear, so much more meaningful. Then again, maybe I really am miserable and I don't know it. Or I do, but I don't want to admit it and it's clear in the poetry I write that I am.

God help me, because I don't even know right now.

It's all good

2006-01-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

After Christmas, there wasn't a lot of activity in the house. We did go to watch Spellbound, said to be "The greatest magic show on earth," although I'm not sure I agree with that. It was a really fabulous show, with dancing girls and (mostly gay) guys in various glittery apparel, magicians, tricks, and even a human design performance, etc. But I'd seen all the "magic" before, on TV. Nothing beats the real thing, yeah, but the fact is that they did nothing new. I really enjoyed it, though.
The other days, I killed time reading Twelfth Night by Shakespeare and a lot of other books, most of them useless ones such as Gossip Girl's latest novel, Nothing Can Keep Us Together, and Rennison's Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging (which I've reread twice already). There was one book I didn't enjoy at all, and that was the required reading for English 12, The New Anvil Guide to Research Paper Writing. I managed to finish it, and now the idea of a research paper sounds even more intimidating. I mean, a whole book was dedicated to the process!
Anyway, my dad bought a new DVD player, which also had 10,000 songs that you can sing along to. This was good news, because it meant the old Philips DVD player downstairs was now available to be relocated (to my room). Obviously, that translated to hours spent after midnight rewatching our old DVDs, plus some of the new ones.
I played tons of NFSMW as well. I'm still playing Blacklist # 6's requirements, though, even after all this time, because it is seriously not an easy game. Also, long periods of doing nothing (and getting slightly bored) caused me to play hours of Scrabble, sometimes with myself, sometimes with other people.
Mom bought some fireworks for the new year, which we promptly set off at midnight on the last day of December. It was beautiful, and so were all the other fireworks that made a hell of a lot of noise that night. My family and I watched from our terrace, then toasted each other to a prosperous year.
Happy New Year, everyone. It's 2006 already, can you believe it?

Countdown and Christmas

2005-12-25T02:31:00.000+08:00

The few days before Christmas were some of the busiest I've ever had. We had our final long tests and reports at school, and then, the most glorious day of the month - the last day before Christmas break. There is just this uber happiness that fills you when you are finally dismissed from university for a short vacation. I was so ecstatic at the prospect of a few lazy days that I was almost crazy with joy when I got home.
I put the next two days to good use.
On the 22nd, I was up at 9 and dressed by 10, awaiting my friends' cars to arrive at my house. Unsurprisingly, they were more than an hour late, so I had to watch WWE with my enthusiastic brother. So we got to Megamall, ate lunch, then went shopping. By the end of the day, I had finished buying most of my family's gifts, and, of course, caught up on the latest news on my friends.
When I got home, it was to take a really quick shower and change, then head over to a blockmate's house for our block party. BTW, Greg's house belongs to a home design magazine. The whole place was decorated for Christmas; it was gorgeous. We watched a little TV, ate dinner, then proceeded to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which I couldn't take. I went home after thirty minutes. The night was fun while it lasted, though.
Next day, I got up at the ungodly hour of seven because my HS class was to meet up at Jon's house by eight. Of course, that was a really stupid move on my part, because I know that my HS friends are NEVER on time. As was expected, our cars left the house at nearly ten. I was with Jarwin, Paul, and Jensen in Jarwin's Vios, so the car ride was certainly fun. We were half playing The Amazing Race, because there was a map in the car and we thought we could get to the mall before the others. Sadly, none of us even knew how to read a map, so we gave up.
We got to Shangri-La, waiting a few minutes for some of the others to arrive. When they did, we proceeded to a new Japanese restaurant owned by a local actor. I think it was their opening. The guy was there, and there were photographers. Good food, but I've eaten one too many Japanese foods to really appreciate the taste. There was a spicy sushi thing that the owner gave us to try that was really delicious, though. And their iced teas, for the holiday (or maybe not), were red and green.
We split up in groups afterwards to do more shopping, but I didn't find anything I particularly liked or thought would make a good present for anyone. At two, some of us went to watch The Family Stone while the others watched King Kong. Our movie had a few hilarious scenes, but overall, I wouldn't say I was impressed.
With the movies concluded, we strolled around a little more, meeting near National Bookstore and then splitting up again to go to Gloria Maris in Greenhills. We had an enjoyable dinner, where we also gave each other Christmas presents. When everyone was done, we posed for group pictures and then proceeded to go home. I hastily (but lovingly, haha) wrapped my family's gifts and put them where all our other gifts were, then after a few hours of TV and internet, turned in.
The 24th came in no time. My sister and mom couldn't wait, so we started unwrapping gifts at midday. I got a bottle of wine, a nice top, a lot of jewelry, a wallet, bath gels, a pillow that says sexy on it (with an arrow you can point to yourself *wink*), a watch, a ceramic candle holder plus three lime-scented candles, a cute box, keychain, chocolates, and a dark blue and red bag, among others. The rest of my family got some interesting stuff as well.
Then, Christmas! We heard fireworks going off all day; everyone was contented and happy. We went over to our grandparent's house to celebrate with them. My aunt and uncles were there, too. It was an ok night, overall.
To sum everything up, I had a fantastic weekend, and I hope you did too. Merry Christmas!

Dear online diary

2005-12-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

As everyone undoubtedly knows, I am an extremely lazy person. This does not justify my failure to update my blog for roughly a month, but it explains it =)

Second semester has so far been seriously frustrating. I can't seem to get grades as good as I got during my first semester. Of course, it's not over yet, so I can still make up for my less than satisfactory grades. We had three long tests this week, and I slept a total of about ten hours, for the three days. Thankfully, today is the first day of our Christmas break, so I'm getting some rest. I've already played a round of Scrabble with my brother and sister, rewatched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and read two books in the span of seven hours. Now I'm listening to some song on the iTunes radio and trying to remember what other stuff to type in here. Ah, relaxation. My dad came back from one of his business trips just awhile ago, and he bought me a really gorgeous pink Swarovski necklace. We've been spending quite a lot these days, actually. The Christmas gifts and wrappers alone cost a fortune. Then there was the new fridge and Samsung digital camcorder, not to mention some new books and DVDs, jewelry, clothes, and entertainment stuff.

I've also watched a lot of TV and some movies. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was excellent, and King Kong was quite commendable. Peter, Rosedell, and I went to watch Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros a couple of days ago, and for someone who hasn't seen a local movie since Jose Rizal, I certainly enjoyed myself. In television, The Amazing Race: Family Edition recently concluded, and for the first time ever, the team I liked won. Go Linzes! There was also that Contender rematch, between Mora and Manfredo, Brinkley and Bonsante, and Gomez and someone I don't know. Mora, Brinkley, and Gomez, who have been my absolute favorite boxers since The Contender, all won. I was ecstatic, naturally. There's nothing like the thrill of boxing. Especially if your guy is winning.

Just last Saturday, we watched a Tanghalang Ateneo play called Nasan si Kaliwete? No offense, but it was deathly boring. I was falling asleep five minutes into it! I didn't forget to attend my old high school's annual chorale contest a few weeks ago. It was certainly a much better performance than that Filipino play, and the results were typical, with the Star Sections bagging the top places.

And how can I possibly forget to mention Jaq's debut? It was held in the Manila Peninsula last month, with an Egyptian theme. I wore a strapless maroon evening gown and bought a shawl to go with it. I was one of the eighteen candles, which was a new experience (I've never attended a debut before). The whole night was really awesome, and so was the exquisite food. I got to hang out with Jill and Matthew too, both of whom I miss a lot.

Of course, my month wasn't just all fun. My dad's aunt died recently, and that was a sad affair, although I never personally knew her. In school, I had to complete two hours of mandatory work for I.D. wearing violation. I spent a few mornings and breaks shredding papers and cutting out Christmas cards. Exciting. But I would have gladly spent ten more hours doing work than having to go through the ITM 11 test or the Math 19 long test once again. Those exams were murderous. At least I love my PE this semester. It's taekwondo. That's one class I actually enjoy. Our instructor is so nice.

Speaking of instructors, I had the pleasure of interviewing my Lit 14 professor today, on his Palanca Award first placer "The Shakespeare Guy." I'm doing a critical paper on it. And I'm glad to, because it's a really nice short story. Our professor's other works have won awards as well. He's a really good writer. And he reads poems so well.

Anyway. I'm going to go play Need For Speed: Most Wanted now. I recommend that game, it's challenging. =) That's my current favorite, obviously. Check it out: http://www.ea.com/nfs/mostwanted/us/index.jsp

Adieu.

First day back

2005-11-14T17:08:00.000+08:00

It was overall a pretty awesome day. I woke up at quite a reasonable time (9:20 A.M.) to get ready for class, and drove to school with the driver beside me. My driving is FAR from perfect, but I'm working on it. Everyone was settled and waiting when I got to my first class, Calculus. Our teacher looks really young, and she seems nice too. I actually thought she was a student with an announcement or something before she introduced herself. I had a one-hour break after that, which I spent for lunch, obviously. Oh, they renovated the cafeteria, by the way. It looks really cool now. Anyway, Hannah, Ysa, and I went to Zoology class after lunch, which was mostly comprised of people who really had an interest in the subject. The professor was a young Atenean graduate with a good-natured manner and a friendly smile. I like him already. I'm sure Zoology can't be that bad with him teaching. He doesn't seem strict at all. We spent an hour in his company, then I headed off to my English class, where Ady, Cel, Peter, and I played cards and talked all throughout, because the teacher was absent. Poetry (and, as it turned out, Drama) was our last class for the day. The teacher was pretty ok. We have good teachers this semester, so far. The only complaint I have is that our books are getting heavier now, and consequently, more expensive.

I'm really happy to be back with my blockmates, course and English alike. I missed them. Looking forward to a good semester.

The last few days of bliss

2005-11-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

How did I spend it? Well, my mom and I spent a considerable amout of time shopping, buying a few more calendars and an elaborate jade wall decor. Of course, I didn't forget to get my copy of Back in Black either. I got Teen Idol and Allies of the Night as well. And then there was the trip to the doctor, which proved to be useless as he told me to come back when my leg was hurting, so he would have an easier time finding out what the problem was. I also learned to drive at Socialites, with my "African" friend, and without a student license, no less. We applied for it the other day, though, and got our licenses a few days ago. I certainly can't wait to drive on my own, although if there was no one sitting beside me waiting to pull the handbrake I would probably manage to crash into a few cars and injure a few people. Last Saturday my mom, brother, sister, and I went to Enchanted Kingdom while Dad supervised some work around our house. We stayed about four hours there, but we only got to ride four rides. The lines were unbelievably long. My feet were blistering and painful as we walked back to the car, and I swear, I'm never wearing those boots again. Wushu evaluations took place this week too, although it wasn't as bad as I thought. We were called up individually and made to do a few excercises and kicks, and then on the second day we did the tao lu. They graded us, of course. I wonder what I got? Speaking of grades, I got my grade report as well, with my schedule, which I think is pretty good. I have no early morning classes this semester. On the downside, my random number was 659, which means I practically had no choice as to my Natural Science and P.E. classes. I got Zoology and Taekwondo, respectively. Not bad, I guess. I was also assigned two (three?) hours of mandatory work for my I.D. violations of last semester, and I REALLY don't appreciate being forced to labor. Someone told me I had to clean out some of the smoker's pockets!!! That's still two weeks away, though, so I'm not worrying about that yet. Anyway, we did a demo and graduated from wushu module 1 on Saturday, so I'm really happy about that. On my absolutely last day of break, I went shopping (no surprises there), but didn't buy much. I saw a cool black collared shirt, so I tried it on and bought it. I thought I'd need an umbrella too, for school, so I got an automatic black one. It fits in my bag, so it ought to be no problem. All I'm worrying about now is my taekwondo schedule, which is right next to Calculus with no break in between. I'm going to try talking to the instructor and see if something can be done about it.

...And so ends my sembreak.

Joys and sorrows

2005-10-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

Kelvin's house party on the twenty-second was really cool. The plants were lined with lights and there were tables for four arranged on the concrete, a buffet table, dessert table, and bottles of red and white wine. A television set and stereo (?) system was also set in a corner, with a mike, but none of us wanted to sing. Lol. Quite a few people came; it was a mini-reunion of some sort, although some of Kelvin's Atenean friends attended too. Anyway, the salad was especially good, and the wine went down quite well. We went home early, though, as I was merely going with a friend who couldn't stay too late. Apart from parties and gimmicks, I've been doing a lot of things at home, too. Firstly, I've been watching A LOT of TV. I got to watch 50 First Dates and Catwoman on HBO the other day, both movies of which were awesome. I've been watching all the usual shows I watch, plus rewatching some DVDs. Another, more useful thing I've been doing is self-studying Spanish. I always loved the language, I just never finished the book my dad bought me about a year ago. I've completed seven chapters so far, and to help myself improve, I've been tuning in to our sole Spanish channel as well, although I understand nothing of what they say. I am determined to be able to, however, soon enough, and I'm equally determined to write an entry here entirely in Spanish once I learn enough of the language to do so. Of course, my Learn Spanish book isn't all I read. I've finished reading two books I recently bought and I'm reading the stories we never took up in Lit class too. I'm also browsing through my siblings' computer books to prepare for the ITM exam, and I've started reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. AGAIN. For about the twentieth time. Ja and I enrolled at Socialites just the other day, as well. We start lessons on November fifth. Both of us are driving a CRV. Not exactly my choice of car, but it'll do. I'm so excited to finally learn to drive. It'll be so much more convenient. Soon, whenever I crave for Doritos and the driver's somewhere else, I can just drive on to the grocery store and buy one without having to wait all day for him to come back home. And speaking of snacks, I took the liberty to buy out the whole junk food section of Parco a few days back, because I couldn't possibly watch Million Dollar Baby or leaf through Cosmopolitan without munching on something. Obviously I'm exaggerating, just as I am when I say that my leg needs to be amputated for permanent damage. It could be permanent, though, what do I know? It's been hurting in the same spot for weeks now, everytime I exert too much effort. We're going to see a doctor soon, even though none of us has any idea which doctor to visit nor what exactly the problem with my leg is. It couldn't hurt at a worse time, because the wushu evaluations are a mere two weeks away, and I've missed SO MANY classes because I had no wish to aggrieve my leg any further. And obviously my performance won't be as good as if my leg were in perfectly good conditions. But God will make a way. He always does. He did with my dog. I'm incredibly happy to say that he's improved greatly- his appetite has returned, he coughs less, and he's not suffering from lethargy anymore. He's been jumping around quite energetically, and everytime I see him I smile and my heart fills with joy. Sadly, whereas my dog lives, my godfather, who is also my dad's best friend, passed away a couple of days ago. He's been in a coma for a few weeks, and they decided to pull the plug. His family has accepted his fate, though. My parents have as well. He's to be buried tomorrow. This is why life has been compared to a wheel- sometimes it's up there, and sometimes it's under. I remember not so long ago seeing my godfather at a party for his first grandchild. He was as gay and lively as could be. Nobody knew what was coming. He was only forty-nine when he died. Sad, I know, but there is always happiness in the midst of sorrow. It comes in various forms; even the littlest things can brighten up one's day. Such as buying six gorgeous 2006 calendars and a bunch of yellow roses, as my mom and I did earlier today. Even coming home from working at my dad's office, knowing that in my small way, I've helped him somehow. And so, because of these things, each one of us comes to appreciate the beauty, hope, and cheer still left in the world and are able to transcend the loss and pains, learning and becoming stronger through the trials we've overcome.

Are you crying now? Haha. I'm so dramatic.

Sembreak perks

2005-10-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

It is absolute heaven to be able to sleep all you want and wake up only when your internal clock rings. So is being able to make plans on the spot and go out and have fun without having to think twice about it. So is not having to worry about which paper to complete for the week or what exam to study for. And sometimes, so is being able to just sit and do nothing, knowing that you truly have nothing to do or need to do. It is even more satisfying, however, to know that you deserve all of it, for working so tirelessly during the excruciatingly hectic first semester. I feel justified, therefore, for having bought three gorgeous sunglasses and an awesome bag in a mere two days. Not that I needed three sunglasses or even a new bag, I just wanted them. Lol. After all, "shopping is a full-time job," as someone says. And I quite agree, except that it isn't exactly a "job" to me, it's a pleasure. I'm indulging myself while I can, which is why I've been going out all the time for the past few luxurious days. There was that day I spent with Ja, where we went to watch Corpse Bride and ran around the mall in search of Cheezy Fries, of which I bought two. We went to A1 and Socialites too, to inquire about the driving courses. I got my high school yearbook the day before that, but was (no offense to anyone) really disappointed at the outcome. Yesterday, Awi and I attended Howard's very brief but fun party with Niks, after which I went shopping with my mom. And today, my mom and I spent the whole day shopping again, buying a few gift items and other little trinkets. Sadly, I missed our block trip to Enchanted Kingdom because I thought I was going to attend wushu class, but I didn't because my leg's been injured, and I'm having it checked tomorrow. It's been hurting for quite some time now, starting from when they made us do three hundred kicks per leg. I don't think it's muscle pain, either. But aside from that, my sembreak has been just peachy.

There's a very entertaining show on Jack TV right now, and I'm not missing it. Adios!

On a happier note...

2005-10-16T12:45:00.000+08:00

I was finally able to go to Fully Booked at Rockwell. I bought Tall, Cool One and Hunters of the Dusk, which I started reading the minute I got home. I only finished about three chapters, because it was six and I had to get ready. By eight Rachel and I arrived at Terriyaki Boy. Rosedell's party was a night to catch up with my old friends. There were only eleven of us there, but I was happy nonetheless. The food was good as always. The service was bad, however. We had to call for water I think ten times before they finally filled our glasses. I got home at about 10:30, which left me ample time to do quite a lot of things before going to bed at two in the morning.

As for today, I checked my e-mail to find that our Physics (Lab) teacher sent our final grades in an attachment. I got an A, and so did seven others. I think four of them were my groupmates. Thank God for that, at least.

I intend to try to stop worrying about my dog and just watch some mindless TV or something. God has never abandoned me before and he won't start now. I have so much faith in him. My dog should be safe.

Worries

2005-10-16T12:07:00.000+08:00

I feel so helpless. I worry so much I wonder if the next time I look into a mirror I'd see a head full of gray hairs. I don't know what to do; I've done everything I can and still, my dog doesn't seem to be ok. He's weak. He refused to eat again today. His coughs are getting worse. I could cry just seeing him suffer. I'm sure he'll be ok, but I still can't help but be anxious. I love him so much I would do possibly anything to ensure his full recovery. I know that he can't be any safer than he is now, in God's hands, and yet looking at him, I am sick with worry.

Whoever reads this, please spare a prayer for him. If you've never owned and loved a dog, you wouldn't know how strong the bond between one and his master is. But please try to understand what I'm feeling right now. I would very much appreciate any prayer in behalf of my dog.

Thanks.

Two months in a nutshell

2005-10-14T10:28:00.000+08:00

Finals are finally over and the much-awaited semestral break has begun!

As people have been telling me for a few weeks now, I need to update my blog.

So here goes =)

- Cel's 18th birthday was fun. She looked absolutely gorgeous in an outfit her dad bought for her. And she was in make-up. A lot of my blockmates showed up, so we were split into two tables. The food was the usual traditional Chinese dishes, but good nonetheless. There was this dessert that I particularly liked, though. Some kind of cake. But overall, I enjoyed the company. One of my blockmates even mistook Cel's sister for her, and gave her Cel's gift. Lol. Anyway. There was a party right next to Cel's and it was really sweet. Some old people celebrating their anniversary, I think. We watched them as we were leaving.

- I joined the Freshman Math Intersection Challenge and I qualified for semi-finals along with two others to represent our class. Our very beloved teacher gave us a plus twenty for that. He's really awesome, isn't he? Anyway, we ended up in fifth place, but at least we tried. The time was too short, too, otherwise I'm sure we would've gotten a higher overall score. Besides, we were competing against Math 18-A students, even though a friend of mine *ehrm, Awi* insists it was his pure genius that got them in fourth place.

- I thankfully got an A in my math midterms, which I didn't expect. After all our math tests were averaged, I got exempted from the finals =) I cannot even describe the happiness I felt upon hearing that. God, I love math. Haha.

- Our Filipino teacher sweetly required us to attend the Filipino parade. Actually, we were made to station all along the roads and hold candles to light the parade's way. Although my feet were excruiciatingly painful after standing so long in one place, I did enjoy seeing people I know dressed up in funny costumes =)

- My advisory marks weren't that bad. I got an A in Math, B+ in both English and Literature, B in Filipino. I certainly hope I changed those marks. To higher ones, of course. Haha. A groupmate of mine said our overall grade in Physics (lab) was A, although we have yet to see what our teacher's going to give us. Grades come out on November 4, I think. Oh, and I passed P.E. =)

- Ralph came for a visit during his summer break. On his last day we went to Shangri-La mall with our other crazy friends- Ja, By, Jon, Awi, Jensen, and Coy. The movie we watched was hilarious. Adam Sandler starred in The Longest Yard, doing the movie quite a lot of good, in my opinion. We also went to record our own CD at some little booth. It was fun! I would say that day was one of the best in my life. I miss my high school friends.

- We went on an exposure trip to a public school called Ilugin for INTACT. Rode a jeep, watched Beauty in the Beast with the kids in their surprisingly air-conditioned and throughly furnished viewing room. It wasn't a really awesome trip, but it wasn't bad, either.

- I got a Compaq laptop from my uncle. Ah, the joy. Of course, I immediately downloaded upgrades and installed some games and filled it with pictures and personalized it. I was quite excited. It's big, though, so I don't really like lugging it around. But it makes for a nice permanent display on my desk, lol.

- Rizza's and Jon's birthdays were both really great. I always look forward to birthday parties. For Rizza's we ate at Gerry's Grill, and for Jon's we ate at Marina. I loved the sisig =) We talked and updated each other on our lives, took lots of pictures, and just took pleasure in being reunited with each other again. Jensen told me he made the Dean's List over at La Salle. I'm so proud of him. Haha.

- I tasted the most delicious things in Bizu. Macaroons. A lot of people say they're too sweet, but you can always have a glass of water beside you.

- The hell weeks in Ateneo were really......hell. I had countless papers to submit, a number of long tests to study for, and projects and reports to complete. I only had one finals test though, for Literature. Gladly, I managed to survive those weeks, and am justly rewarded with a month long sembreak!

- My dog was taken to the vet for the heartworm treatment. He's back home now, and recovering. I am immensely thankful and continue to pray that all goes well. I adore my dog, after all. He's the sweetest thing in the world.

- My English food review groupmates and I went to eat at Mr. Choi's Kitchen, which, incidentally, is owned by Ady's aunt. It was a good restaurant, although the staff refused to have their pictures taken for our project. I have no idea why.

And these are the very much incomplete happenings in my two months. I must go enjoy my lazy afternoon now, so ciao.

Oh and btw, the Amazing Race: Family Edition has been going on for a few weeks now. And I've fallen in love with another TV show, Life As We Know It, on Studio 23.

Yesterday and today

2005-08-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

Friday
After school, my mom, sister, brother, and I went to Robinson's Galleria to watch the much-awaited Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My dad wasn't able to go, of course. He was still at work when we left. So, I missed wushu class once again. Still, it was definitely worth it. The movie was really nice. I loved all the colors. And hey, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Johnny Depp. It doesn't matter that he looks like Michael Jackson in that movie, because he's gorgeous and nothing can ever change that. If only he weren't forty.

Besides, the outing did me a lot of good. I haven't seen a movie theatre since Revenge of the Sith! We used to watch movies once a week, every Friday. Sadly, I can't go out on Fridays anymore without having to miss wushu class. And I DON'T want to miss it. I did practice earlier during the day, though.

Saturday
Ady, Celine, and I went to Greenhills for our English paper information gathering. We ate lunch at Terriaki Boy, then went on to GSC to look for people to interview, and to shop, of course. Ady interviewed a saleslady in a socks/jogging pants "store," Cel interviewed the little Muslim girl of a jewelry "store" owner, and I interviwed a man from New York while he was browsing through some clothes in another "store." Ady and Cel both bought a few stuff, but I didn't see anything I really liked, and I didn't bring much cash anyway. After walking around the place a few hours, Ady went on to meet her high school friends, while Cel and I went to Fully Booked in the Greenhills Promenade. A little while later we walked all the way around the GSC building to Mercury Drug and Watson's where Cel looked up ingredients for a chemistry project (or something) and bought some things. We got into our waiting cars at three in the afternoon. It was fun going out with them =) Ady is an expert shopper. She should be recruited to Barney's. Lol. Cel was so helpful. They were both great.

I picked up our little puppy from the vet. He got sick a few days ago and we left him with the vet. He was so well-behaved in the car. He used to be really active and just jumping all over the place. But awhile ago he just sat there and didn't move much. I'm glad he's ok, though. Thank God.

Wushu was tiring as always, but fine. I think I've improved a bit.

Now it's 1 A.M. in the morning and I've really got to go. G'night world.

More "little" news

2005-07-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

- I went shopping yesterday. A few really gorgeous tops have been added to my wardrobe. You have no idea how happy new clothes make me, lol.

- We were required to watch two plays by an Ateneo org (Entablado) for our Filipino 11 class. Surprisingly I really enjoyed them. The first one was entitled "Sino Ba Kayo?" It was hilarious. The actors were amazing. The second one was "Fantasya." The acting was superb, but the story wasn't as good as the first one. Still, I liked both. The only downside to it was that it finished at 9 PM Thursday, which meant I missed thirty minutes of Desperate Housewives. Oh well.

- The AMA General Assembly was ok. I really liked the decorations. The theme was "Off Limits" so the whole place was decorated in yellow and black with (police tapes) that says "Caution" for effect. There were bands, dancers, a comedian (who was, quite frankly, not even
remotely funny), a sort of raffle contest, and food. I was able to interview a few people for my deputy secretary general trial. Hopefully I do well and get the position. But if not, the experience will certainly contribute to my improvement. Anyway, I guess I like AMA too much, so I have nothing bad to say about the GA.

- We watched a documentary called "Spellbound" for English 11. It was about eight kids determined to win the National Spelling Bee in the US. It wasn't as boring as I thought. I rather enjoyed the last hour of the film, actually, when it was time for the contest.

- I'm very very happy with the grades I'm currently getting in my classes. Hopefully I'll continue doing well. I've also grown closer with some of my blockmates and met lots of interesting people in campus, so overall I'm enjoying college, despite the impossible amounts of assignments given everyday.

- I think Partido Agila won the elections. Can't be too sure.

- Oh yeah, I finished reading Half-blood Prince a few days ago. It was very very good. No spoilers here, don't worry. I don't do that.

- The President was at Crossroad 77 awhile ago. I was really near the building (this is where my wushu class is held) when we stopped dead in the middle of the road. There was an absurdly long line of traffic and we had to circle a long way to get to the entrance. Police were stationed everywhere and I saw the presidential car along with numerous huge cars (GMA's motorcade, I guess) in the parking lot. She was attending a wedding, it was said. My Dad said he thought she'd joined my wushu class, haha. Also, congratulations to Chelsea of my wushu class (she's in the advanced class) who bagged the 2nd place in an international (or Asian) Junior Wushu Championships.

More soon =)

Sunday fun

2005-07-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

Jensen's birthday party was nice. We met at Jon's house (note that his house is Invictus2005's perpetual meeting place), caught up with each other while we waited for Jensen, listened to the "radio program" Jensen and Ralph recorded in our 2nd year, and shared our "views" on freshman council elections. About fifteen minutes after I arrived, Jensen came with three of his La Salle friends. We all crammed into his car like sardines in a can (one of us *ehrm* Gi *ehrm* had to go home for a project) and headed for his place. It was quite a pleasant surprise when we stopped at a towering semi-mansion. Jensen has always been too modest for his own good. We never realized he was a billionaire. Hahaha. The interior was, needless to say, furnished to be fit for royalty. We stayed at the entertainment room awhile, then lunch was called. There was a buffet prepared for us, and it was delicious =) Some pictures were taken afterwards, gifts were unwrapped, and once more we trooped up the stairs to the entertainment room. Some of the guys played something on the PS2, some others watched, and a few others (including me) played Scrabble. The guys decided to shoot some hoops, so the girls and I stayed in and just talked. I got to know Riva a little better. She's one of Jensen's best friends from our "rival" school. The car ride home was fun too. By the time night had fallen there was only me, Jensen, and Chris still in the car. Chris, btw, is another one of Jensen's best friends. The other's Omar, but he left early and so I never got to talk to him much.

Thank you for a great day, Jensen.
To my old high school friends who came, I was really happy to have hung out with you guys again.
And lastly, to Riva, Chris and Omar, it was really nice meeting you.

Little news

2005-07-24T09:24:00.000+08:00

- I got a 91 on my Math 11 long test. Frustrating, really, as I have been solving mixture problems throughout the entirety of my high school life. I only got one question wrong, actually, but it was the one that was worth fifteen points, and my professor only gave me a six for effort. It was a big effort, too. I had about three different solutions plus illustrations and I worked on that single problem ALONE for twice the amount of time it took me to finish the rest of the test. How depressing.

- We have been asked to write so many essays and papers that I've lost count. This was NOT how it was in high school. I have about five different papers yet to finish. I've already completed two this week.

- I had a nice time behind the reception desk during Dean Rudy Ang's seminar for the deans of other schools and universities. I met the upper classmen officers of AMA, most of whom are taking up BS Mgt-H as well. I think I might like this org more than any of the others, if only because of the people in it.

- I'm now on chapter 19 in the Half-blood Prince. J.K.'s done an excellent job again. Is that why she's now richer than the Queen? Hahaha. I particularly liked one line in the book. It said, "Hagrid gave another great snort. Harry rather thought some bogeys landed on the potatoes, and was inwardly thankful that they were not staying for dinner." Lol.

- My Introduction to Physics I long test did not go so well. I've rather lost my liking for the subject. Our professor does not teach well, although he's quite a jolly man. There were also portions of the exam with questions of which he'd never even so much as mentioned in his lectures.

- The first General Assembly for AJMA (Ateneo Junior Marketing Association) took place yesterday. Sadly, nobody had much fun at all. The videos were so corny, and half the time we couldn't even understand what was going on, the programs weren't very interesting, and the people weren't interacting much. We left way before it was over. I felt sorry for the organizers, really, as hoardes of people hastily left at six, which was actually the supposed dismissal time. They started too late, that was the problem.

- I am so in love with Desperate Housewives. I don't advise guys to watch this, of course. It was obviously created for women. But hey, I'm not saying don't watch it either. It's up to you guys, only remember, you ARE guys, aren't you? (Paul is exempted from this- he's a different kind of guy, haha. But a genuine guy nonetheless, one whom I miss very much, in fact.)

- I have long been searching for that newspaper wherein contained the picture and information on Sony's latest music gadget. Charge it for three minutes and you can listen to it nonstop for three hours. Battery life is two weeks, twenty four hours a day. Awesome, right? I want to get that.

- The Celadon General Assembly was MUCH better than the AJMA one. I wouldn't say it was the height of excitement though. I did get free food, and almost choked on it too, lol. Guess I was just hungry.

- I went shopping Saturday. I haven't shopped for the longest time. I bought two pairs of pants (as my sole black one ripped when I tripped the other day), a top, Kelly Clarkson's CD, a musicals compilation CD (such as Chicago, Fame, etc.) and Jensen's birthday gift. Hope you like it, Jensen =)

And that's all for now, folks.

Book crazy

2005-07-17T13:51:00.000+08:00

It was July 16. I was up at six in the morning and got ready as fast as I could. Riding in the car to National Bookstore, I checked and rechecked that I had everything I needed. I arrived at forty minutes past, and as they were opening at exactly 7:01 A.M., I ate a hurried breakfast at a fast food restaurant immediately next door. As I finished my peach pie, I noticed that a line had already formed and had reached the street, so I went and joined the line. I was fifteenth in line and more people (most of them from the same fast food restaurant I'd just eaten at) filed behind me. Everyone waited impatiently, excitedly. As the doors opened, we all rushed to the main cashier in a slightly straight line. Customers with reservations were referred to the Customer Service counter. I was now ninth in line. As I beheld the books that were artfully placed on the table nearest the main entrance, I smiled in longing. When my turn came, I handed over my reservation form and loyalty card, entitling me to 20% off. The clerk also gave me a 100php book coupon and, as I was one of the first few customers with a reservation, I got a free HP metallic bookmark that cost about 300php. I was extremely happy with all the free stuff and discounts I was getting, but nothing could compare to the way I felt when I finally got the book in my hands. It was exactly 7:20 A.M. when I finally received my Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book. I clutched it lovingly, protectively. I had it.
Sadly, I had to attend a class for INTACT (Introduction to Ateneo Culture) from one till five in the afternoon, so I had not much time to read. By the end of the day I had only finished two chapters. And from the way those chapters were written, I know I'm going to enjoy that book very much.

Cheers to J.K. Rowling!

Advertisement: Effective July 1, 2005, get HP and the Half-Blood Prince at 10% off at National Bookstore (I don't know if that's for all branches, though, I reserved mine at the Sct. Borromeo branch). Get a copy now!

Strike two

2005-07-09T13:03:00.000+08:00

Humiliation. Unparalleled helplessness. That was what I felt last night.

It was a wushu night. The warm-ups were exhausting. The stretching was painful. The last part was unbelievably wearisome, even more than any of our other practices had been. My body was getting used to all the hard work again, after I missed the practices last week. I managed to get through the entire session, and was even smiling at the end of class, happy in my accomplishment. Assembly time came. We all lined up facing the trainers as they gave out the usual reminders and announcements before dismissing us. I felt a little lightheaded at first. My breathing quickened. My vision slowly blurred. I had to exert a lot of effort just to remain standing. I started to wish they'd hurry up and let us go. I swayed, and suddenly all I could see was....nothing. I was conscious and my eyes were open, but all I saw was black. As the last of my strength gave out, I collapsed to the ground. Some of the trainers rushed toward me and lifted me up to a nearby window. Opening it up, they told me to breathe. I was having a really hard time. All I wanted was to sit. They asked me questions; it was terribly hard to answer. I got a word or two out, and even as they supported me, I could no longer support myself. I dropped to the floor. They gave me a little water. It did nothing to make me feel better. I still couldn't see. I knew I needed sugar. As they called a doctor (I think), the elderly man from our wushu class came to help. Was he a doctor? I didn't know. At that time, I really didn't care. They gave me some mint candy, and propped my feet up on a chair. I felt my vision returning after a few minutes. The dizziness was dissipating. My blood pressure was normalizing. I was ok. I wanted to cry. Why did it always happen to me? What is it that I lack? Why couldn't it have happened in private? At home? Did it have to happen in front of everyone in my wushu class? I held back the tears, though. I was going to have to work hard to increase my stamina. I had to stick it out.

A few years ago, five to be exact, the very same thing happened to me on my first day at the Fitness First gym. I had slept only four hours the night before and eaten nothing. Last night, however, was a different thing. I'd eaten a stick of bread two and a half hours beforehand and I'd slept the whole day. I'm never going to give up, though. This is only the first step to my improvement.

I want to thank all the trainers, the man in our wushu class (I still have yet to find out if he really is a doctor or I was just imagining things), and my wushu classmates who've been concerned enough to help me through that episode. Your help was much appreciated.

Time un-conservation 101: free cuts

2005-07-07T12:32:00.000+08:00

What a day. I am so tired, I can barely lift my head. Now, what events could possibly have occurred so as to drain me so much of my energy?

The following is a rundown of the things that happened today:

6:10 A.M. - Alarm makes that annoying noise, forcing me to wake.
6:10-6:30 A.M. - I sleepily (and grouchily) make the necessary preparations for school.
6:30 A.M. - I hop into our waiting car.
6:30-7:20 A.M. - I try to sleep in the moving car as we drive to the Ateneo.
7:20 A.M. - I am dropped off at my first class's venue, Faura Hall.
7:30 A.M. - Classes are supposed to start.
7:30-7:45 A.M. - We wait idly for our Physics teacher to appear.
7:45 A.M. - We are about to leave the classroom as it is stated that for a 1 and 1/2 hour class students must wait 15 minutes for the teacher and afterwards may leave if aforementioned teacher is still absent by that time.
7:46 A.M. - Teacher arrives; we groan as we have not yet left and should have, therefore lessons would undoubtedly commence.
7:46 A.M. - Teacher signals for us not to leave. We are further depressed.
7:48 A.M. - Teacher says he only wants to show us something quickly and then we may leave as technically he's a minute late and it was to be considered a free cut even though he was present by then. We cheer happily.
7:55 A.M. - We are dismissed.
7:55-9:00 A.M. - We walk around doing nothing.
9:00-10:30 A.M. - Official breaktime.
9:30-9:45 A.M. - I go to the de la Costa consultation room to get interviewed for Celadon.
10:30 A.M. - We are supposed to have our second (and my last) class up to 12:00 but our Filipino teacher is absent yet again and so we avail once more of a free cut.
10:31 A.M. - I hop back into the waiting car bound for home.
11:01 A.M. - I am home.

Total time wasted: 4 hours and 35 minutes.
Total productive time in Ateneo: 15 minutes.

And now I'm asking myself, what did I even go to school for?

The day of the play

2005-07-03T17:04:00.000+08:00

Ah, Saturday. Obviously one would know why majority of the student population (sadly, my fellow Graceans are exempted from this as they have P.E. on this day) wakes up with a smile on this particular day. If in any case you're cursed with incompetence and lack of common sense, I'll tell you why. There are no alarm clocks waiting to ring us awake. Translation: We have no classes. And so it was half past ten when the sandman's dust wore off. I started to do my math homework, but I got bored and decided to idly lie in bed instead. Naturally, the cool air and soft silk mattress lulled me back to dreamland. The maid's voice was heard calling at noon that lunch was ready. After a pleasant meal with the family, I attemped once more to concentrate on school assignments. I managed to read "Photography as Rape" by Resil Mojares in its entirety, after which, for the aforementioned reasons, sleep took over again. It was 3:30 when I woke, and just on time, too. Necessary preparations took an hour of my time, then I was off in my chic tube top and heels to fetch some guys who were coming with me to the play.

It took us about an hour to get there. We thought we were early, as we arrived at six for a play which was due to start at eight. However, to our dismay, hundreds of people had already arrived before us and had formed absurdly long lines at the ticket exchange tables. We did finally get to the front, after quite a wait. Sadly, we were designated to seat at the Balcony One, which is at the top of the theatre, second to highest. We ate a quick dinner at one of the restaurants at the CCP complex, which was where the play was to be held, found some of our other friends and briefly chatted with them, and lined up outside our respective doors when eight o'clock came. I was seated next to Ralph, but Andrew got separated from us.

The show started about fifteen minutes later. Full of expectations, I was highly disappointed when the first play, Nic at Night (performed by the GCHS Elementary Chorale) ended. After a ten minute intermission, Bow Down, starring the GCHS Glee Club (of which I was part of but regretfully dropped out of because the play practice schedules clashed with those of my wushu classes) took place. It was better than Nic at Night, but it did not make a fantastic show. The costumes were too conservative, the color choices were not very smart, there weren't enough props, and some of the actors' voices did not project well. I would personally like to commend the superb acting of some of the cast, however. Kesterson, who I believe played Haman, Glenn, the person who played Anesthetes, and the kid who played Nicodemus stood out in my opinion. (I think I'm missing someone else, but I can't remember who right now) Congratulations to all of you and the rest of the cast who have worked so hard to make the production a reality. It was not because of you that the play needed improvement.

The operetta ended about 10:20. We went to meet some of the cast, who were our friends from high school. I miss everyone so much.

We left at eleven and I got home, exhausted, thirty minutes later.

Overall, it was a good day. Happy 55th anniversary to my alma mater, Grace Christian High School. My loyalty will always be to you.

Less than satisfactory Fridays

2005-07-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

The sun dawned bright and warm. Another day had started. I was curled up comfortably in bed when that damned alarm sounded and broke the serenity in my room. My happy dreams were abruptly cut short; a groan escaped my lips.

It was time to go to school.

Today was a day like no other. It was Friday, and this meant only one thing. Physical Education 101’s one mile run test. Sadly, I looked at the jeans and skirts lining my closet, all of which now rendered useless. I unwillingly pulled on some jogging pants and rubber shoes.

Eight o’clock came in no time.

We were to run eight laps on the Moro Lorenzo Sports Center track in less than thirty minutes. Hannah and I ran. When we were out of sight of our dearly beloved teacher, however, we walked. It was not cheating, as we were actually allowed to walk.

“You can even crawl to the finish line,” said our compassionate instructor. She meant to be funny, but she meant it literally, too.

We finished in 15:59 minutes. It was excruciating and unbelievably tiring. I’m exaggerating a bit, yes. We were let out an hour and a half early, but to compensate for the free time we were required to attend the cheer rally at 4:30 in the afternoon.

Breakfast in the gym café took an hour.

And then we had our other classes, with an hour’s time of break somewhere in the middle.

There wasn’t a smile in any of our faces as the bell rang to signal the end of our last classes for the week. The weekend couldn’t start yet. The rally was in the way of much-awaited freedom.

And so we went. The gym was noisy, packed, and hot. Because we came later than most of the others, we were forced to seat near the top. It wasn’t a bad program, although it was utterly useless. My blockmates and I (and most of the other student spectators, I’m sure) didn’t see it to the end, obviously. We left the noise behind at roughly six o’clock.

But my day wasn't over, still. Wushu was still to come. And I had no time to rest for it, either.

I had barely closed my eyes when *rooster crow repeat x times*, there went the alarm again, telling me,

"Get your lazy ass off the bed and haul it to your wushu class right NOW!!"

Which I did. And that was when I sprained my ankle. In wushu class. I landed wrong in one of my back kicks. So there I was, pathetically clutching an ice bag to my throbbing ankle while everyone else did the usual routine and learned really cool new moves. My bad luck had struck again.

When you add up all that happened today, what do you get? The title.

Beyond the letter grade

2005-06-30T12:37:00.000+08:00

What's in an F? What IS an F?

I got an F in Filipino 11. How utterly depressing. And when you really think about it, it's funny, too. A Chinese can fail a Mandarin subject, an American can fail in English, but where in the world did you ever hear of people who are less adept in their own national course than in another language course? That's right. It only happens here. I'm excelling in Communication in English I AND Introduction to Fiction (in English), but I can't even manage to get a passing grade in my very first Filipino quiz? How sad. I may even prove to be more skilled in French than in Filipino! *sarcastic laugh* And that's not a joke, either. I mean, what the hell, I don't even know what an apple is in Filipino. Is that pathetic or what?

Yeah, it was an unannounced quiz, so obviously I didn't study for it, and obviously I could've aced it if I'd memorized my notes beforehand, but it goes beyond that. It's the mere fact that I don't even WANT to learn Filipino. It's the mere statement that "I could've aced it if I'd memorized it beforehand." Memorized. For the sake of getting a high score. Memorized and forgotten the next day.

How unpatriotic can I get before my country decides to disown me? I don't like the language, I don't like the local shows, I dislike Filipino bands and the music they create. Is there even love left for my country and everything it represents? Or, everything that represents it?

And, of course, my country will never disown me.

I think of all this, and I am acutely saddened by my disloyalty. I am more pained, however, that I realize my mistake and ponder on it, but I do nothing.

Will I ever change?

Will I ever desire to learn my language, embrace my culture, and show my country the love that it has given me so much of?

What's in an F? What IS an F?

F is for failure. But it goes beyond the letter grade. It's my failure as a citizen to accomplish my duties and do what I should do for my country. It's my failure to become worthy of being called a Filipino.

______________________________

Dear friends,

Do pardon me for being so overly dramatic. I can't help myself. And, anyway, am I not right in what I said?

I always knew my blog title should've been Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Hahaha.

Untitled

2005-06-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

I got my math diagnostic results back. I got a 96. I WISH I had gotten a perfect score, but that damned first question took those four precious points away. So, yeah. That's still an A, though. So, it's all good. I'm doing well in all my other subjects as well.

Some of my blockmates and I ate out for lunch, and then I got back to find Ralph sitting at the benches in front of the Sec buildings. We hung out awhile there, and he sat in at my English class an hour later.

So, what else can I say?

My title for this entry reminds me of Simple Plan's song Untitled. Check out their website at http://www.simpleplan.com/

Til' next time.

Two typical days in the life of moi

2005-06-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Today is officially a very, VERY good day. My classes were supposed to be from 7:30-9:00, then 10:30 to 12:00, but our Filipino teacher was absent and so after an attendance check, we were dismissed. Rosedell followed me home and we hung out a while. I've convinced her to create a blog of her own as well.

So anyway, about an hour after lunch she went home, and I started doing my reading assignment for Lit 13, which was "The Jewels (of M. Lantin)" by Guy de Maupassant.

And then I took a nap.

It was 4:00 P.M . when my mom woke me up, saying I needed to get ready for the wedding party at 7:00. I grudgingly complied. After a quick shower, I toweled off and blow-dried my hair. My mom put makeup on me, I put my earrings on, slipped into my red "dress" (if you can call it that) and high heels, threw some things into my black handbag, and was ready by 5:30. We went to pick up my uncle and grandma, and even though we left early, we arrived approximately an hour and a half later. As you can imagine, the traffic was ABSURDLY awful.

On to the wedding. It was held at the Rizal Ballroom at Makati Shangri-La. The place was beautiful, the people were all gorgeous, the food was delicious, the decorations were stunning. It was a great evening. I love expensive events like this. Lol. We got home at about half past ten. I fell asleep the instant I got into bed.

And that concluded my Thursday.
______________________________________________

Saturday, June 25, 2005

The math diagnostic test was administered today. I stupidly did NOT double check and therefore got number 1 wrong. I sincerely hope I got everything else right.

After that, I took our dogs to the vet.

Rosedell came at about 1:30. We typed the lab report for Physics 1, after which we watched Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle on TV until her ride arrived.

I slept the rest of the afternoon away instead of going out with my blockmates or attending the pool party for a departing friend. Kevin, we'll miss you. Have a great life in Australia!

Wushu classes commenced as usual at 7:30. I was totally drained after the two-hour class.

Now, it's exactly midnight. Ralph will have arrived in Manila by now. I can't wait to see him again.

That's it. Goodnight.

Reminiscing

2005-06-22T21:34:00.000+08:00

I am suddenly filled with such a passionate yearning to be back in high school again. It's not the same. I've heard so many people say it, and I never thought it could be true.

College. The word makes you think.It paints a mental picture of freedom. Of fun. Of cool new friends. Of living the life. It is all that, but strangely, it's lacking something. It's definitely fun, and I'm having a great time. But where's the closeness? I miss the long heart-to-hearts. I miss the craziness my old friends exhibit so shamelessly when we're hanging out. I miss even the comfortable silences when there's nothing else to say. Because no one actually felt the need to say anything. I miss even the occasional fights. I miss everything that shows how close my high school friends have grown in a short space of time.

As I said, it's not the same.

Maybe I'm just in a depressed mood right now, but there's really some truth to what I've just written (typed). I don't mean any offense to my college friends, of course. You guys are great, and I mean that. There's definitely time for us to grow closer. So please block Q, let's all try to stay in BS Mgt-H for as long as possible, ok?

I guess I'm just really missing my high school friends. So to Invictus 2005, I love you guys and I'll see you all at our next gimmick. Take care.

A piece of good news and an embarrassing moment

2005-06-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

I arrived at the university with only a few minutes before the bell. I hurriedly strode toward the Sec-C building where my first class, Physics (laboratory) was to be held. Upon arriving in front of 105's doors, I saw that class hadn't started yet and that my classmates were still lounging around elsewhere. Rosedell came a few minutes later, and we went to the washroom together. When we came out we found everyone had already filed into the classrooms. I consulted my schedule to make sure we were going to the right class. After confirming that our room was Sec-C105, we went inside and deposited our things at the nearest table. While I looked around I noticed a lot of new people in class. I smiled at the professor as she came by our table to hand us some papers. It was a different person. Rosedell and I thought she might be a substitute teacher. After about a minute three guys came to sit at our table. One of them asked me if that was our group table. I said yes, thinking our other groupmates were late and that they'd be there in a while. A few more minutes passed and the guy asked me what section I belonged to. I didn't really hear him so I didn't answer. But then it occured to me later on to ask him exactly which section we were currently in, as I was starting to become suspicious. It turned out we were in the wrong section and we were supposed to be in Sec-C 106, not 5. I had written over the 5 last time, but I misread it and so directed us to another Physics class. We managed to run to OUR class on time and weren't marked late, though. Thankfully.

That whole fiasco was pretty embarrassing, but good news awaited me during our first break. My blockmates had scanned the list of those who had been demoted to Filipino 10, and they said my name wasn't in that list. We double-checked it again during our lunch break, and they were right. I was so relieved and happy, and a bit disbelieving too. Those worries are finally over. Whew.

What's troubling me today?

2005-06-21T13:20:00.000+08:00

I am dreading the results of that Filipino diagnostic test. As many know, I am extremely NOT good in that subject and don't have much interest in it as well. Still, who wants to get demoted to Filipino 10? Definitely not me. How utterly embarrassing would it be if I was the only one who has to go back to basic Filipino? How utterly embarrassing would it be even if other people have to go back with me as well? It wouldn't be a consolation even if the whole class goes back to Filipino 10, because it doesn't matter. What matters is we scored within the lowest percentile and were branded unready for the normal Filipino course. Which is a shame, really, considering we were born here and have lived here all our lives (or most of our lives). On top of the humiliation, basic Filipino is a NON-CREDIT course, which means it's extra work and wasted time.

I haven't been able to stop thinking of this all day and I REALLY need to stop. I'm stressing myself out and no amount of worrying can change the outcome of the test anyway.

The product of boredom

2005-06-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's ten past 10 P.M. The day is coming to an end, and I don't want it to. Tomorrow is yet another school day, and although I know I have to wake early to get to school on time, I just don't like the thought of going to bed.

I've just finished watching Charmed on Studio 23. Now I have no clue what else to do. I am forever wasting time away, just thinking of something with which to occupy myself.

Tick tock. A minute, two minutes.

A song just popped into my head. For lack of a better thing to do, I'm going to post the lyrics here.

Behind These Hazel Eyes

Seems like just yesterday you were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong your arms around me tight everything it felt so right unbreakable like nothin' could go wrong now I can't breathe no I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on here I am once again I'm torn into pieces can't deny it can't pretend just thought you were the one broken up, deep inside but you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes I told you everything opened up and let you in you made me feel alright for once in my life now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be so together but so broken up inside cause I can't breathe no I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on here I am once again I'm torn into pieces can't deny it can't pretend just thought you were the one broken up deep inside but you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes swallow me then spit me out for hating you I blame myself seeing you it kills me now no I don't cry on the outside anymore.

With that, I'll say adios.

Presenting.....a "brilliant" first post!

2005-06-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

After many years of delay, I have finally found time to create a blog. I feel such a powerful sense of achievement, even though all I did was type a few words and press a few buttons. Now that I have a blog, a new problem arises. I've been sitting and thoughtfully staring at the monitor for roughly fifteen minutes, trying to think of something witty to include in my very first post, but all I've come up so far is this sentence.

*sigh*

I'll give it another shot on my next entry, because all I want to do now is watch America's Next Top Model on TV.

So, ciao.